Who Cares?

The end of a year - an entire trip around the Sun

The Sun (source: Gaia Astrology)

Time to plan (or attempt to plan)

And to reflect

Which begs the question: Who cares?

"Who cares?" I ask, as I look back on a blog that no one comments on...

"Who cares?" I muse, as I procrastinate sending out holiday cards and wrapping gifts...

"Who cares?" I ponder, as I listen to a few talking heads on TV or watch angry people protesting about things they must care about, deeply and passionately...  

I fumble with my dilapidated dictionary, to reacquaint myself with the definition of this lovely word

Long have I been seduced by its sugar-coated meaning

Webster's New World Dictionary explains:

Care is derived from the Old English word "caru"  meaning "sorrow" - "a troubled state of mind; worry" - "a liking or regard for" - "a responsibility; to feel concern" - "to feel love or a liking for; to look after, provide for" 

Sorrow? Worry? Responsibility? This sheds new light on the power of this little word

Perhaps if I asked my question in a general way, with a positive spin on it, I'd get a different answer...

Who cares?

Angelina Jolie is an ambassador for the United Nations

There are people who are working tirelessly to help others in need; to protect the environment; to promote worthy causes

There are animals who bond with other species of animals - including humans - to form what can only be called "friendships"

There's my brother, who takes care of our mother at home, driving her to appointments and to the YMCA, cooking and cleaning... doing his best to keep it all going smoothly

There's my husband, working long hours to make sure we have a place to live, the bills get paid, there's something to eat... and he still says things to make me laugh 

And there's me

I care...

And that's enough to get me through another year 

A Breath of Seasons

I dreamed I was a summer breeze


That started back in spring


I blew through autumn's leafy heaps

'Til winter's winds did sing


A song that made me shiver


A tune that made me cry

A melody that chilled my soul


'Til I breathed a summer sigh 


TJBG ~ 2014

Traveler's Tale

I am moving through the weeds

and reeds,

brushing past them on a mission 

to find out who I am...

I will know the truth

by finding my own reflection

in the water...

I know it's there,

but I need to see for myself

if I am still me

before I decide where to go next

Happy Hallowe'en

Samhain (pronounced /ˈsɑːwɪn/ sah-win or /ˈsaʊ.ɪn/ sow-in; Irish pronunciation: [sˠaunʲ]) is a Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter or the "darker half" of the year. It is celebrated from sunset on 31 October to sunset on 1 November, or about halfway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice. It is one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals, along with Imbolc, Beltane and Lughnasadh. Historically, it was widely observed throughout Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man. 

Irish mythology was originally a spoken tradition, but the tales were eventually written down by Christian monks in the Middle Ages, who are thought to have Christianized many of them. According to Irish mythology, Samhain (like Beltane) was a time when the doorways to the Otherworld opened, allowing spirits to come into our world; but while Beltane was a summer festival for the living, Samhain was essentially a festival for the dead.

Samhain was seen as a liminal time, when spirits or fairies (the aos sí) could more easily come into our world. Many scholars see the aos sí as remnants of the pagan gods and nature spirits. At Samhain, it was believed that the aos sí needed to be propitiated to ensure that the people and their livestock survived the harsh winter. As such, offerings of food and drink were left for the aos sí. Playing pranks at Samhain is recorded in the Scottish Highlands as far back as 1736 and was also common in Ireland, which led to Samhain being nicknamed "Mischief Night" in some parts. Trick-or-treating may have come from the custom of going door-to-door collecting food for Samhain feasts, fuel for Samhain bonfires and/or offerings for the aos sí. Alternatively, it may have come from the All Saints/All Souls custom of collecting soul cakes.

(source: Wikipedia)


No trick-or-treaters at our house tonight... but I was ready!

"As the darkness now draws near, see the cycle of the year.
As the light now goes within, let the Hallows Dance begin."

BOO!

Plenty Of Love To Go Around

a post on Facebook about a senior cat needing a home 

Bailey likes bird-watching

turned out there were two of them - 13 years old  and headed to a shelter - they'd been living in the owner's finished basement and the young mother of two felt guilty about not spending more time with them

after talking to my husband, I told the owner to "Bring 'em both"

the tuxedo cat is Bailey - the fluffy one is Tyler

Tyler is silly and sweet

my cats are bewildered, but are trying to make the best of it, I give them extra love to make up for bringing in two strangers

Copper and Silver are little heroes

the new cats are making themselves right at home, even though Bailey sometimes cries plaintively for no reason

Tyler likes to play with toys and sit in the window

my husband, although supportive, had his doubts...

but in the end he told me, "I know you feel strongly about this. You have a big heart. It's something I love about you."

so we have two more mouths to feed

yeah... ain't love grand?

Learning to Meditate: My New Drug of Choice

If someone had told me that meditation was a miracle drug, I would have laughed out loud. Yes, I know it helps one to relax, maybe even lowers blood pressure, and definitely promotes mindfulness. But I decided to make a serious attempt at it to find relief from some new aches and pains and for the past three days the results have been nothing short of amazing.

Illustration by Arthur Rackham

You see, I was experiencing some lower back pain, and... no, let me go further back... This year, I've been dealing with a new dis-ease, severe psoriasis, and I thought perhaps it had developed into psoriatic arthritis. In addition to switching to a more anti-inflammatory diet, I rationalized, I'd better also pay attention to my posture; and maybe my bed was too soft, or too hard; and I probably needed to wear shoes with more arch support... 

But then, it went from bad to worse, and now the pain was starting from my rump and going down my left leg to my ankle, and it was excruciating, crippling, debilitating - there were actually times when I could barely walk or bend over. So, I reasoned, my sciatic nerve must be inflamed or pinched or something. But what to do about it? I couldn't see myself resorting to pain pills or surgery... Hot and cold packs? Acupuncture? Yoga? 

So I decided to talk to my body. (This already worked once before, when my knees were giving me trouble.) And the best way to do that was to sit quietly, with a quartz crystal in my hand (this particular one is a Herkimer diamond quartz cluster), and meditate while calling upon the Reiki symbols to help seal the deal. The first day, I sat on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor, spine aligned and closed my eyes. Breathing slowly and deeply, I began by clearing my mind and then I said, "I'm really sorry. I love you."

After a few minutes of breathing and thinking only of how much I loved my body and everything it had ever done for me, I felt the pain slowly leave.  The rest of the day, I felt no more pain. It came back, of course, but not as intense. The second day, I did the same thing, with the same result: No more pain.

And today, after I said "I love you, I'm sorry," I thanked every part of my body I could think of: skin, brain, bones, kidneys, liver, spleen, lungs, heart, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, tongue, blood, bladder, pancreas, muscles, tendons... and my eyes filled with tears... And, once again, no pain. I even thanked the pain, for teaching me about self-love and gratitude and making amends.

Later, driving in my car, listening to a CD and singing along, bobbing my head to the beat, I felt joy, I felt happy, I felt good. Why? Because I felt like me again. I am intense. I am strong. And I am probably the most optimistic pessimist you'll ever meet. 

As we age, we still have lessons to learn, and we're never too old to learn them. Today I learned to tap into my inner resources, go within to go without, express myself without fear, love my life.

Self-love. Healing. Meditation. I highly recommend them.

What's Past Is Past...

An entire year ago,  you may remember, I was desperately seeking Silver, my little five-year-old cat who ran away. The cat carrier fell apart on our arrival back home after visiting the vet to get her inoculations and she bolted, took off for the wooded area behind our house and was gone for exactly seven weeks. At the time, it seemed like seven years being lost in the desert.

The entire time she was missing, I alternated between hope and hopelessness, but I also had to learn to accept the possibility of life without her while vowing to never give up on finding her. I must have looked out the windows a thousand times, like a ghost.
Valuable life lessons were learned, and as I wrote my little messages to put in my "hope chest" (what others might call a prayer or "God" box) that read something like, "Hoping she returns safe and sound" and "Whatever happens is for the greatest good" I was also confident she knew how to take care of herself in the wild. Still, I was constantly consumed by anxiety, grief and fear.

I worried about coyotes and cars and owls and cruel people, but mostly I just missed her rolling on the floor at my feet or jumping up on my lap or seeing her little innocent face looking up at me. And then one evening, quite by happy accident, exactly seven weeks later, she ran past me and stopped when I called out to her. I brought her food and picked her up (she weighed no more than a kitten) and carried her back inside, where she seems quite content to remain.

Her brother, Copper, was such a comfort to me while she was gone, and I think he, too, was relieved when she came home. After all, they are twins (both six years old now), so he must have felt strange being all alone. I think he must have sensed my sorrow and we often took comfort in each other.

During our ordeal, I was supported by my husband, my family and some rock-solid friends. I also read two very helpful books. One was The Secrets of Lost Cats: One Woman, Twenty Posters and a New Understanding of Love by Dr. Nancy Davidson, given to me by my husband. The other, loaned to me by our wonderful village postmaster, was Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation and GPS Technology by Caroline Paul. Informative and amusing, I highly recommend them both.

Relatively speaking, things are pretty good in my neck of the woods these days. In a world so wracked by uncertainty and doubt, we are all just happy to be together again, bound by love and gratitude and the deep blue sea.

Sweet Sixteen... Or 61 In Dog Years

Way-back machine:  My "singing telegram" days

Yesterday was my birthday. 61 years of living a relatively uneventful life (and I mean that in a good way... and also, I suppose, in a wistful way). Some missed opportunities, to be sure, but also interesting experiences, supportive family and friends, and so many beautiful things to be grateful for... like our wonderful planet.

Snowdrops growing in the gravel

Loving nature as I do, I try to photograph it whenever I can. When spring finally arrived here in New England, all the trees and shrubs exploded with flowers and then leaves, like this one: 

Pink dogwood in a parking lot against a blue, perfect sky

Yesterday, there was a "virtual party" on Facebook, with 50 or 60 people leaving messages and comments that sweetened an already perfect day, as well as dozens of fun photos as we all reminisced about old times. Lots of laughs and a few happy tears. I got a lovely little box of goodies from my mom and brother, a few thoughtful gifts and cards from my husband and friends. One long-time friend sent me a pad of pastel-colored parchment paper; someone else gave me a deck of angel oracle cards; and another person gave me a plant stake that glows at night. Then: A surprise package from someone I've never met (I only know her as a "friend of a friend"). "I asked the sea to wash up a collection for you and this is what I gathered," she wrote. A simple, thoughtful gesture.

Beautiful driftwood, feathers, beach glass and stones from Washington State's coastline

Remember my old car (see previous post) ? Sold it: It's gone. And my messy upstairs art room? I took a car-load of clothes and other things to Goodwill, and there's more bags and boxes in the car... both have given me more space to play with. Now, as I prepare to go back to my summer job, I should have some spare time and room to write, sew, craft, and otherwise rejuvenate my sputtering creative output. That, you see, will be my birthday gift to myself.

A single poppy towers over my dainty foot

So: Happy Birthday To Me... it looks like this could be a wonderful and busy year!

If I Could Change One Thing...

Midsummer's Night Eve - Edward Hughes - 1908

We all have our faults, our flaws, our failures... tempered with our successes, our triumphs, our victories. Our two sides are inexorably intertwined, forever balanced, like bitter and sweet, happy and sad, or high and low. 

Being born under the sign of Gemini, I truly feel these two sides more keenly than some do and so, as I trudge towards my 61st birthday, there needs to be a reckoning, a solution for this sloppy balancing act I call My Life. If I could change one thing about myself, a thing that would make My Life better, what would it be?

PROCRASTINATE: to put off doing (something) until later; delay

I am a highly skilled Procrastinator. I have spent years honing my talent for never getting around to doing the little things that would improve my otherwise mundane existence. Of course, I put off the more distasteful chores, like mopping floors or dusting shelves (who doesn't?), but there are many other things I could be doing to enhance my productivity or improve my living conditions... like having an organized art space or a lovely garden or a less-cluttered house. Jewelry needs repairing, plants need re-potting, boxes and drawers and plastic totes need emptying, and My Life needs a long-overdue overhaul. But I just end up doing other things (washing dishes, vacuuming the rugs) to make up for not doing what needs to be done, what I've put off for days, weeks, months... and yes, even years.

Old Faithful, back in 2010 when it still ran and we were inseparable

For example, my old car has been sitting in the driveway for more than two years. It doesn't run, it just sits there looking more and more like a hunk of junk. I keep meaning to do something about it, but I never get around to it. My poor husband has been gently asking me when I'm going to do something about this eyesore, but I think he's finally decided enough is enough... and he's absolutely right.

Will I actually do something today? This week? This month? Yes, it's time... Let's see if I've got what it takes to do what must be done.

May The Force Be With You... Today (May the Fourth)

Star Wars poster art

I'm a huge Star Wars fan (hey, I love Star Trek, too - and I don't feel like a traitor to either cause) and I've seen the films more times than I care to admit. But a silly thing happened the other day...

Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher) & Han Solo (Harrison Ford)

I've been sick for the past week with a cold (or flu, take your pick) and haven't been too active due to a low-grade fever (about 99 degrees - not bad, but my normal temperature is usually around 98.4), just enough to make me feel under the weather. When I told my husband Greg this, he made light of it, implying that I really wasn't all that sick. Well, when you're sick, you're sick and, while I wasn't lying around moaning I wasn't turning cartwheels, either! 

The ill-fated Christmas Special (wish I'd seen it, tho I've heard it was just awful)

Apparently he felt a bit guilty about being so cavalier about how I felt and sent me an e-card featuring Chewbacca saying "I love you" in Wookie-speak. At the end, the card says, "May the 4th be with you" but he had absolutely no idea that Star Wars Day (yeah, it's today) even existed (I'm sure he's not alone - I knew about it because I had looked up "unusual holidays" on the Internet a few months ago). Anyway, the card was funny, I laughed and, so, mission accomplished, dear husband. I'm still sick, but getting better.

C3PO, Obi-wan Kenobi (the brilliant Alec Guiness) and Luke (Mark Hamill)

I flipped through all the cable channels today to see if Star Wars was showing but no luck... So that's why I'm watching the first Star Wars trilogy this weekend (my DVD box set, so no commercials) just to show my love, Wookie-style.

Happy Star Wars Day... from my galaxy to yours.

March and April: A Blur (But Here Comes May!)

Dover clip art (unattributed)

Time passes... things happen... and it's now the end of April! Easter has come and gone, and May is just around the corner with so much promise: warmer weather, potential projects, exemplary events. 

Having had time to reflect upon 1) the death of a friend, 2) a trip back to the South to celebrate my mother's 93rd birthday, and 3) returning home where I'm still surrounded by too much "stuff" and have no regular income yet, I feel like I am emerging from a long hibernation and need to undergo some sort of "ritual of renewal" and pledge of intention in order to hold onto any shred of integrity and self-confidence as I take a long-overdue personal inventory. 

A good time for this would be the upcoming cross-quarter day on May 1, also called Beltane (midway between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice). With its connection to the Seven Sisters (Pleiades) star cluster, this is an auspicious time for me to reinvent myself and make some serious plans.

At Beltane the Pleiades star cluster rises just before sunrise on the morning horizon, whereas winter (Samhain) begins when the Pleiades rises at sunset. The Pleiades is a cluster of seven closely placed stars, the Seven Sisters, in the constellation of Taurus, near his shoulder. When looking for the Pleiades with the naked eye, remember it looks like a tiny dipper-shaped pattern of six moderately bright stars (the seventh can be seen on very dark nights). It stands very low in the east-northeast sky for just a few minutes before sunrise. Beltane marks the passage into the growing season, the immediate rousing of the earth from her gently awakening slumber, a time when the pleasures of the earth and self are fully awakened. It signals a time when the bounty of the earth will once again be had. May is a time when flowers bloom, trees are green and life has again returned from the barren landscape of winter, to the hope of bountiful harvests, not too far away, and the lighthearted bliss that only summer can bring.

(source: www.witchvox.com)

Full moon behind cloud bands - April 14, 2014 (photo by tjbg)

The moon is already waxing (good for planting crops and making decisions) and today's solar eclipse (visible in Australia) sure seems like another good push in the right direction... If you get to see part of the sun (or moon) disappear and reappear, it suggests that renewal of the self is not only possible but highly recommended!

Image by Jay Pasachoff (source: www.space.com)

Tuesday's eclipse of the sun was the first of two solar eclipses in 2014, with the second event occurring on Oct. 23. That October event will be visible primarily from Canada and the United States. Tuesday's event also came on the heels of a total lunar eclipse on April 15. The next moon eclipse will be a total lunar eclipse on Oct. 8. (www.space.com)

And so it is with natural phenomena: In April, a lunar eclipse is soon followed by a solar eclipse, and this pattern repeats itself a few months from now, in October... Wild!

And... simply amazing... and inspiring.

This Thursday, have a Happy May Day... and remember: Change is good!

Unforgettable Maddie

Yesterday my friend, Maddie, shed her mortal coil and took off on a new adventure. She was ready for the journey, and had been for some time - it took the rest of us a little longer to catch up to her - but we supported her decision and helped her prepare for her trip as best we could. We all took turns visiting, sharing laughter and tears, learning new lessons and teaching each other how to live... and how to die... well.

She was like an older sister to me (I never had a sister, so I had to choose mine from among my best friends) and, like siblings, we didn't always see eye to eye; but, like siblings, we always managed to get back on track and our friendship became stronger and more flexible during the ten years we knew each other. Maddie could be funny or feisty, demanding or forgiving, but she was never mean-spirited. She always wanted to share her knowledge and ideas with anyone who was willing to take time and listen.

Maddie was a Pisces - these earrings make me think of her

And, over the years, I did learn a lot from her - about jewelry-making, about different stones and crystals, about herbs and organic food and shamanism - but (mostly) I learned some profound lessons about life... and (eventually) death. There weren't too many topics she couldn't converse about, and she shared experiences that not many of us could lay claim to. Maddie was a shrewd and savvy businesswoman - a little old-school, to be sure, but always willing to learn new tricks - and she never hesitated to give her advice to the downhearted and the downtrodden souls who wandered into her store.

Maddie always kept her bird feeders full

She loved to cook and garden, and nothing gave her more pleasure than sitting outside, soaking up the sun's rays, inviting a dragonfly to sit on her shoulder or listening to birdsong. She would spend hours pruning the bushes in her yard with a small pair of pruning scissors - her mother's, I believe - and adored all animals, especially cats, birds and horses. Although Maddie had no companion in her later years, she was a hopeless romantic at heart. After a couple of failed marriages and no children, her friends became her family.

When the warm air starts to rise, ride the breeze on butterflies

And now her vibrant energy has ventured out into the Universe, a journey she was actually looking forward to. I can't quite believe she's gone, but I know I will never forget her. Go on, then, Maddie... I predict you will transmute into a clever, feisty dragonfly and will find many a friendly shoulder to rest your beautiful wings upon.

"Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former live too little and the latter live too long."

— James Thurber