The Needle In The Haystack

Silver girl, come back to me
I am like a ghost, searching for another ghost
Peering out of windows, haunting the streets
Boldly approaching anyone for news of you
Waiting for a silver flash, a wink of your sea-foam eyes

There is beauty all around me
I barely notice, so intent am I on finding you
Imagining that, if I keep calling
And the breeze blows just right,
That you will finally hear me, at long last
And I will see you emerge
From the sea of blue-green jewelweed
Or hear your answer, faint yet near, "I'm here"

Why did you run so far, so fast? 
Where did you go?
Come back...

I saw seven rabbits and asked them all to help me find you
And I say the same to every creature I encounter
Even the big blue dragonflies are out hunting for any sign of you
Everyone I talk to is kind, they seem to understand my anguish
They all tell me, "Don't give up, keep the faith"

I found a turkey feather in the cemetery
And a tenacious hummingbird hovered next to me one morning as if to say,
"Don't give up, don't ever give up"

Hide, then, if you must, to stay safe
But come back to me, little one
We need you, your twin brother Copper and I
Do you hear the wind chimes on the back porch? 
Can you smell the incense I burn?
I need you, I need to know you're alive and well, able to survive until you return
I want you back home, cozy and warm, with me

As I print more photographs of you and write these words
My eyes fill up with my own salty water and my nose stings 
I'll keep looking and calling and hoping, my little lost love

Please come back to me, my sweet Silver girl

The Beat Goes On...

Yesterday I went on four different searches AND worked for five hours - I got an email from a woman who lives three miles away, which seems like an impossible distance, but I went to look anyway. Talked to a few very nice people who promised to let me know if they saw her. And yet another friend offered to help me look, so Judy and I tramped around and got the word out to more folks. As it turns out, the original sighting that had me so fired up could be a case of mistaken identity after all, according to one neighbor. And this morning I got a message from a sweet girl at the local animal shelter asking if I'd found her yet.

At the window... perhaps she really missed the outdoors after all?

Last night I caught some eye-shine in my back yard, but the only creature I saw was a foraging skunk. I'm going to set out a "have-a-heart" trap back there tonight. Today I plan on taking some cards to a nearby pet daycare center as well as a the only pet store in town. There's still hope that she will turn up on her own, I suppose... and that's all for now - maybe another blog post with more photos of flora and fauna.

Tired Of Single-Topic Blogs That Are Way Too Long?

Yeah, I know, me too ~ sorry that my recent posts fall into that category! 

So... 

Thanks for putting up with my latest obsession... I'll attempt to write about other topics in addition to this search-and-rescue theme ~ Noise... Nature... the Cunningly Clever Methodologies of the Domestic House Cat! ~ believe me, I do a lot of thinking as I'm stumbling around my neighborhood before sunrise!

The Twins, my little cuties

Search for Silver UPDATE: Nothing new to report ~ still searching and hoping, though.

However, I do have one announcement: The vet called with the results on Copper's skin tumor. It was a type of skin cancer, but they are pretty sure they got all of it and I just have to keep checking him for any new growths.

Copper relaxing, post-surgery

At least he's not running around in this "jungle" like his sister...

Jewelweed as high as an elephant's eye...

I'm already tired, time to go to work.

 

 

Into The Wild

Not-so-wild thing...

On Monday, another brave soul joined me to search for my little lost cat - Karen and I went up and down side streets, walked down dirt roads into some heavily wooded areas and met a lot of wonderful folks who promised to let me know if they saw her. Karen even flagged down a woman who was speeding by on her bike - she stopped so suddenly I was afraid she was going to flip over, but she just smiled and put one of my post cards in her pocket, saying she would be happy to keep an eye out for my cat. 

The wild places behind my house

We also met a nice woman walking her dog who told us about another woman who also walks her dog AND her cat in that area. After meeting this other woman, she called me 10 minutes later, saying she had just seen a grey cat. We rushed over there, but it was someone else's grey cat. Shortly afterwards, I saw a woman I know who lives down the road from me who told us that she and her husband were out walking when a grey cat came up to them. The description didn't quite match, and the behavior was not consistent with Silver's timidity, so we ruled it out. But it's comforting to know that there are many more pairs of eyes out there looking for my girl.

From a distance, this looked like a grey cat hiding in the bushes

Lately, I've been getting up earlier and earlier, trying to go out before the traffic gets heavy and things are still quiet. Yesterday I went out at 6:30 for an hour; this morning I was out the door at 5:45 and came back an hour later to make coffee and rest before going out again. A few telephone poles are now decorated with small posters with Silver's photo and my contact information. 

The little green pond behind my house

I also try to go out at night, when the noise has faded, hoping she'll hear me whispering her name, and when I'm out there all alone and there's no response, I end up standing still for a moment letting the tears fall where they may, trying to reclaim that little spark of hope I had carefully wrapped up and put in my pocket.

The beauty of nature

Wild morning glory

Tricky terrain

Last night, when I got home from work, I went into the back yard to move the cat box further out next to an old blanket she used to sleep on, along with one of my worn-but-not-yet-washed T-shirts and a little yellow bowl with food and water, hoping to infuse the air with some familiar scents.  

In the darkness, I thought I saw an animal, so I aimed the flashlight at it and watched it run into the woods. It was a lighter color (was it grey?) and it didn't move like a skunk, an opossum or a rabbit (maybe a cat?). I went over to the corner of the yard and called for ten or fifteen minutes, with no results.

Spotted Jewelweed and Poke Weed guard the mysterious corner of my back yard

I much prefer to go out early in the morning rather than at night simply because it's before the relentless noise begins and there's just enough light to see by, There is beauty and serenity here in my little corner of the world, but there's also a darker side, the places I can't get to and don't even know about, the mysterious unknown energies, hidden deep in the wilderness that humans have always feared and avoided. That's where Silver is waiting, and that's where I must go.

The First 48 (Hours) and A Glimmer of Hope

My friend Jen, creatrix extraordinaire and fellow cat-lover, came over today to help me walk around the neighborhood and hand out post cards featuring my missing cat's photo and my contact information. We left some cards at a little museum and an antique store, put up a flyer in a busy seaside bistro, and then we started going up to nearby houses where we saw people outside. 

Even though I felt sort of like a traveling salesman, what I discovered was quite humbling: Everyone was so friendly and quite compassionate... "Oh, I'm so sorry, I hope you find her," one woman said who was walking her dog. "The poor thing, she's so beautiful," another woman told me. "I'm pet-sitting my mother's cats and someone's pet-sitting mine - I love cats," a young man explained as he took one of my cards. A lady who was tending her garden said, "I'll watch for her, and you might want to talk to my neighbor, he puts out food for cats." When no one came to the door, she came over and led us around to the back, where we met this sweet gentleman who said he would keep an eye out for her. "Silver, her name is Silver," I kept telling them.

Finally, when we were close to my house I decided to lead Jen into a friend's yard where I had already looked a couple of times. Two women were sitting on the back porch and I waved. "It's just me, the lady who's looking for her cat," I called out, knowing that my friend had spoken to his wife about my plight. "We saw your cat!" one of them said, and I walked quickly over to them to hear more of this glorious news. "You did? Really? When did you see her?" I asked. "Friday, it was Friday," she answered. "That must have been right after she escaped!" So, my first instinct about her choice of direction was correct all along, muddled and warped by doubt, sorrow and the passage of time. "Her name is Silver, she knows her name, call me any time and I'll be over in a flash!" And so I came home with my heart a tiny bit lighter, thanks to kind folks.

After today, I am focusing on the area of woods and wetlands just behind our house and hoping that she has not strayed any farther or hasn't been chased off by territorial cats or hungry coyotes. Mostly, I am in awe of how many people wanted to help or give me moral support. I can't wait to tell Silver all about it! And I'm sure she'll have some good stories to tell her brother if I can coax her back home. Wish me luck!

The Kindness of Strangers... and Friends

 
One of my worst nightmares has happened... Last week, I had taken one of my cats, Copper, to the vet for his shots and to have a growth removed. Then yesterday it was Silver's turn. We had made it there and back again and, just as I opened the front door, the grate on the cat carrier fell out and she bolted under some bushes. Trying not to panic, I went around to look for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. I looked and called, searched and started sobbing. Was she hiding nearby? Was she running as fast as she could and, if so, in which direction? I had a couple hours of daylight, but it was still wet and raining a little, so I alternated between feeling positive about finding her and sitting on the front step crying. 

By three a.m. I was exhausted, but my dear husband agreed to walk around the block with me, shining a flashlight, hoping to catch her eye-shine in some bushes somewhere, anywhere - it was very quiet and I hoped she would hear me - I saw a skunk and four bunnies but no glimpse, no sound, no trace of my sweet little girl.

Sister and brother, Silver and Copper, Sister and Mister

What I don't know is, can she hear me? Is she injured? What I do know is, she's hungry, alone and terrified. Even though she lived the first year of her life in the wild scrub of Florida, she has never set foot outside here in New England. She probably remembers how to hunt, but she's become quite plump and it would be difficult for her to catch much of anything except bugs or frogs, or worse... And the noises are much louder during the day - cars, motorcycles, fire engines, people mowing lawns, doing repairs, riding bicycles, walking dogs - things she would run even farther away from. 

I am grateful that it's not the middle of winter, that there's no hurricane bearing down on us, and that she has her shots. But I'm worried about her running into ravenous raccoons or cunning coyotes. Will someone see her, feed her, call me? I put up a flyer and gave out post cards with her photo and the basic information, but it doesn't seem like enough... not nearly enough. Even now, I feel like I'm wasting time, but I need to pace myself if I intend to keep the search going. And I wanted to express my gratitude...

Which brings me to the kindness of strangers... and friends. Everyone I've spoken to has been so willing to help, with promises to look for her, telling others to keep an eye out for her, saying what a beauty she is - thank you all. Yesterday I asked a passing dragonfly to help me find her... today I asked the souls in the cemetery to please send her home... even the little chipmunk who lives in my stone wall seemed interested in my plight. 

It's like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" since she could be anywhere - I just want her back so badly, it hurts. That's all - time to search (and cry, and hope) some more.