try to remember

that it's already september... woke up today (sept 8) at five a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep so i got up around six and made coffee, must have coffee

cats are already up and roaming about, looking for their flaked tuna - it's almost seven now, my alarm should go off in a few minutes

family troubles - my step dad is in the hospital - he has pneumonia, can't swallow anything so now has a tube in his stomach so they can feed him, he's quite weak and is on pure oxygen - he's a pretty tough guy so he may yet rally, but he's not as strong as he was four or five years ago, what with the parkinson's (if that's what it is, no one's sure) and it appears that his liver & lungs & heart are compromised - it makes me sad on so many levels - as difficult as he can be sometimes, i still hope he finds the strength to fight his way back from this, or at least be at peace with whatever is coming - my mom and brother are there and doing the best they can - don't know if his kids will be able to come out to see him, or even if i can make such a trip myself...

meanwhile, i got a job as a personal assistant to a woman here in town - part time but it pays well - still learning how to do things (using quicken, for one) it's quite a challenge to stay on top of everything she's involved in

not doing much writing but there's a writing class i want to take in october - still making some jewelry but not selling anything yet - christmas is coming, tho

going to try to have a tag sale this weekend, getting rid of some things but still so much more to purge

lots on my mind, won't go into it here just yet - watching a little too much TV these days but manage to catch some of my favorite shows (castle on abc, warehouse 13 and ghost hunters on syfy, also destination truth is coming back on syfy so i'll watch that too - that's about it, altho i also watch quite a bit of nat geo and history channel, also science and discovery channel - don't get hbo so i can't watch my friends' show, true blood, this season...) watch a lot of movies i've seen a million times, but once in a while i'll stumble across a new one or one i haven't seen in years - saw the newest harry potter last week, it didn't do much for me, one more left

that's it for now - here's a photo of silver watching TV (both the young ones like nature programs)
photo by tjgoogins/2009/silver watches the boobtube/all rights reserved

what a day

i was useless today - started watching the michael jackson memorial coverage on CNN (the only news channel i watch, except MSNBC once in a while) regardless of how anyone feels about MJ or his music or his personal life, he was a decent human being (personally, i think he was only guilty of poor judgement from time to time) and i thought the service was lovely and was apropos for all concerned, although (funny story) halfway thru the program, a brief but fierce thunderstorm hit our area and knocked down a power line so i called a friend and fellow MJ fan who lives in rhode island and she plunked her phone down in front of her TV and i had to listen to the rest of it (like when people used to gather 'round the radio back in the 30s and 40s) on my cell phone!! of course, they practically showed the entire show (highlights, they call 'em) again in the post-show coverage, so i got to see and hear most of the things i missed... anyway, i'm still very sad and very moved by this outpouring of emotion for a man who has been vilified by the media over the past two decades, and i cried until my head ached and my eyes burned... these things affect me so intensely, like when heath ledger died, and river phoenix, and john belushi... and of course john lennon -

but let's see, now it's getting light outside, birds are singing away, cats are jumping and running around like crazy critters... and i have to find a job - no money, i need to get something to happen

like zoey says in "Serenity" - "Talkin' ain't doin' - " and then she says something in Chinese... (sorry, that's sort of a random movie quote)

what i really want to do is write something, or rewrite something - i have to show my stories to someone and get some constructive criticism... enter some writing contests, go to a writer's conference, get some feedback, start sending out my clips & rez to some magazines, something!

and start sorting thru all the clutter - i think that's what's holding me back - too much stuff - yeah, gotta clear some things up and out - ok, so might as well stay up and do some of those things! what image shall i leave you with today? how about this one?

may the force be with you/photo by tjgoogins/2009/all rights reserved

happy 4th of july

well, at least i am writing once a month - will try to be more diligent - looking for a job, sorting thru 10 years worth of collecting stuff (paper, wire & beads; candles; xmas decorations; clothes & shoes; boxes & bags; baskets; sea shells; old batteries; pens & paints; cards & postcards; ad infinitem) and not making much headway... but i persevere

there is so much to be done - taking some time to salute dead celebrities - trying to save a bird's nest that blew down yesterday during a brief yet fierce thunderstorm - will record that effort with photographs

photo: tjgoogins/dance, dopey, dance/2009/all rights reserved

will try again to work on my web site but having trouble downloading photographs for it have been sending long-distance reiki healing to friends & family members who are in poor health


have to work harder at: finding a job/cleaning house/writing/creating art cards/jewelry/healing the planet - you know, the usual... until next time, i leave you with this image and a thought for the day: "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers

east coast sunset

new england sunset - tjgoogins 2009 - all rights reserved

well, yet another picture of yet another sunset - still in the process of relocating - changing my name - trying to figure out how to make a living - not unpacked yet - sick of looking at my wedding photos but have to print more out for sharing - lots of rain up here in new england - husband's birthday coming up in a couple of days and i can't afford to get him anything, so i'll make him a card with a coupon or rain check that says, "good for one birthday present" - must be optimistic, which is pretty difficult for a nihilist like me -it's late and i had already turned in but then got up and said, "i'm going to write something tonight, even if it's only one paragraph" so here it is - more to come - i must be more organized, more proactive, more focused - more alive! be particular: TJG

always a lesson to learn

in looking back over the last couple of entries, it comes across as though it was supposed to be something i did for me, and i guess it was, on some level, an attempt to find some sort of future for myself, on my own, with a little help

but now i feel like i just didn't try hard enough, not nearly hard enough - i just sort of floated along and hoped that somehow i would find my niche, something artistic and creative and, oh, i suppose "green" in some way - and i had the idea that somehow i could help my step-dad improve his health and i could make my mother laugh more and my brother and i would work on many projects together and discover our true potential and achieve some elusive goal and we would all get along and there would be no anger or bitterness - but it's still there, lurking in the shadows, it's as much a part of myself as anyone else - i only did a fraction of what i came here to do, and i guess that's something - but so much wasted time and money - none of us are any better off, not really, in hindsight

photo: tjgoogins/spring moth/2009/all rights reserved

so, did i learn patience? no. did i help others? a little, maybe, but not enough to feel too good about it. are we any better off than we were a year and a half ago? not really. so what was gained? what was lost? watching us all languishing in our financial tar pit, seeing our society slipping into a quiet yet angry desperation, worried about the next phase of my life, frightened of what may be ahead, concerned about family and the future, trying to find the courage to keep going... waiting for the other shoe to drop - these are unsettling times, so much anger, we must cling to hope

anyway, that's what is on my mind as i slowly get ready to leave again - oh why do i feel that i can not make one good decision???

however, if i can find some freelance writing gigs, or some part-time mindless thing that will get me to the next phase, and if i can set some goals and actually achieve one (or all) of them, and maybe help someone else along the way, now, that would be worthwhile

thoughts about friendship

photo by jmbuckley/wekiva river/2007/all rights reserved

well, i'm back - getting a stiff neck/shoulders from typing so much - inputting data for the big project (that i'm getting paid for) - nearing completion but still a lot of typing yet to do (and copying and pasting)

meanwhile i have to get serious about packing & purging stuff - i'm such a packrat! mixed feelings about leaving but it is necessary - i came down here to help my folks and i gave it a year and a half - no money, no progress, no accomplishments

i have to say, however, i did reconnect with some old friends (high school & undergrad school) and it was such a wonderful surprise that so many of them showed up for my wedding, people i hadn't seen in years - of course, only a very few had to travel any distance (say, three or four hours of driving) so it was convenient for nearly everyone else, but i was still quite moved that so many people were able to attend - friendship, real friendship, is so precious and special - i have been fortunate that i can count on one hand how many people have betrayed a supposed friendship and that so many have been there for the long haul - whether by phone, or email, or even snail mail, they are still part of my life - so to all my friends i'd like to say...

From now until the end of time
I am your friend and you are mine

T J Googins

the lovely month of may

photo: tom morrell/2009/all rights reserved

ah, well, the reason i did not blog in march was because i had a lot to do - my boyfriend and i have been together for ten years and we finally decided to get married - and april, well, i have been either too busy or too tired - moving again, back to new england - i will always love the south, tho, because that is where my soul dwells!

still working on the same two projects, altho there are a million other ones in between... so this will be a brief blog and i will try to make up for my lack of blogging this summer (no, really!) i need to write something every day and it should be a little easier when i have high-speed and don't have to hassle with dial-up connections (excuses, excuses)

february: short-n-sweet & almost gone

photo by tjgoogins/2008/shuttle endeavor night launch/all rights reserved

so much for keeping up with my blog - how do people do it every day? well, things do come up and whoosh - time just flies off, leaving me tired and cranky...
but enough about regrets - lots to do, working on my project - actually, i am doing another project (a freebie!) for an organization that rescues abandoned animals - these people are so dedicated, it makes me feel like a super wimp - so i hope i can do some little something to help
and there are other projects, personal stuff... i'll save that for another day, tho
the prez made quite a speech tonight - i found myself feeling good about the future for a change, even though i realized i was being caught up in all the idealistic plans, but he is a good speaker and i thought tonight he finally found his true voice because it came across as totally sincere and seriously focused on the rough road ahead... his words were well chosen and well spoken - i thought he tried to reach out to everyone, equally, but i know some people just aren't ready to embrace his vision - however, if we could all work together on getting something done, we might be amazed at the results
oh well, i'm no pundit, so i'll stop this line of thought for now - anyway, please don't think this is a political blog, just thinking out loud about something that just happened a short time ago... in the meantime, i'll sign off and hope to post again before an entire month has passed! happy trails... tj

happy new year

here i am again - thank you, annie, for your very nice comment about my photos - i, too, like to see the world through the eyes of others

anyhoo, it's january - we have a new president and i believe the people of this nation can show "true grit" and work together to bring us to new heights of achievement and prosperity - heck, i'll settle for people getting along with each other

vermontscape - photo by tjgoogins - january 2009 - all rights reserved

in an effort to restart my writing career, i was fortunate enough to get an assignment from a friend who is publisher/editor/writer of a magazine covering a portion of New England - i am putting together a supplement focusing on summer tourism (things to do in that area during the summer) - it is a slightly daunting task but i am looking forward to doing it and other things

also might be doing some writing for another friend out in california - she is an amazing person - i can't wait to work with her on several projects relating to her business (colonics, hypnotherapy, osteopathy, reiki, reflexology, you name it - very interesting and relevant topics that i myself enjoy reading about)

here's something a friend of mine recently wrote: "All the best in aught-nine ('09)! I can't believe the only 'aughts' we'll ever know are almost gone!"

so, have a great january 2009, everyone - keep blogging & reading & laughing & living well

tootles - TJ